(e)Xcess Baggage

This story is part of a novella – A girl was born

Do check out the first and the subsequent chapters – https://firsttimemommy.net/category/a-z-blogging-challenge-2018/

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Image: pixabay

Over the weekend with Tia away, Tara got much time to think things through. She revisited her past and realized what a mess she had managed to make of her life. This was not what she had wanted. She had wanted love, but not at the cost of her life. This love had taken away her sense, her values and all ambition from her. This love had made her selfish. It had ruined her life. All she had to show of her life’s achievement was her daughter! She couldn’t even be a good wife. The realisation pinched her. Hiding her face in her palms, Tara cried for a long time. It was probably the last time she would ever cry.

By the time Nikhil came home the following Tuesday, Tara had made up her mind to tell him the truth. Her husband deserved that. Over dinner, Tara was quiet while Tia talked. Once dinner was over and plates cleared away, Tia retired to her room. It was a school night and she still had to finish some lessons before going to sleep. When Nikhil entered the bedroom, Tara had already changed into her nightclothes and was standing by the window. She was too restless to sit.

“I want to talk to you.” She said to her husband. He nodded.

“I met Himanshu. Do you know who he is?” She asked.

He nodded. “I learnt about him from your sister ages ago. You met him. And?”

“Nothing happened.” She announced.

Nikhil let go of the breath he was not even aware he was holding. It was audible.

“But, it could have, Nikhil.”

If Tara hadn’t seen Nikhil’s eyes dilating, she would have said that this piece of news hadn’t affected him in the slightest. His face betrayed no other emotion. No insults or angry recriminations came from his side.

“Aren’t you bothered?” She couldn’t contain herself and finally asked.

“Yes, I am.”

“Then why aren’t you angry at me? Why aren’t you shouting at me? I am your wife and I almost committed adultery. How can you just sit there and talk so calmly as if nothing has happened?” Tara wanted to know. Had she been in his place, she would have created a huge hue and cry over it.

“I am angry. I am also feeling helpless, but shouting has never been my style, you of all people should know that. Also, I am not surprised at this turn of events.” He announced quietly. Tara looked at him. What did he say? She looked at him confused.

“I knew you married me out of obligation to your parents. But, I really thought you would come around someday. You tried your best, but you were not happy in this relationship. Hence, I dreaded that someday you would find someone else and quit this marriage. The only thing I hadn’t counted on was that “someone” would be Himanshu.”

“So basically, not only I am not surprised, but also in a way, I am relieved.” Of all the things, this was not what she had expected to hear.

“Relieved. Why?”

“Because we have finally reached that milestone.”

This was a surreal conversation. They were talking so peacefully that they might have been discussing Tia’s school grades.

“So, what now?” asked Nikhil. Though his face was impassive, his eyes betrayed his eagerness.

“I think that I have got that closure. Himanshu was the ghost from my past that I was finally capable of chasing away. I was crazy to think that I could find happiness in my past.”

“Past haunts us, but it seldom becomes our future, Tara!”

He was a wise man, Tara always knew that. But, for the first time Tara realised that Mr. Darcy came in different shapes and sizes, thoughts and temperaments. It was a pity he could never be her Mr. Darcy.

“You are right. Pity, I didn’t have that wisdom before.”

“I hope you can now see me differently and not the man your parents asked you to marry.” Nikhil continued. Tara shook her head.

“Nikhil, it has taken me a long time to realise that I am not in love with Himanshu. It has taken me an equal amount of time to understand that if I haven’t been able to love you in the last sixteen years, nothing will make me do now.”

“What are you saying, Tara?”

“That it’s time we dissolved this sham of a marriage. I have suffered enough chasing love and so have you. Let’s stop this chasing around and think about being happy. We deserve it, you of all people do. I have been selfish all these years and you have borne with me, I want to be selfish one more time and set you free.”

Tara’s face was set in a determined resolve. For the first time in their marriage, Nikhil really saw Tara as the sure and confident one.

Himanshu is now Tara’s past, seems like Nikhil is too! What does Tara have in mind! Find out tomorrow! 

41 thoughts on “(e)Xcess Baggage

    1. Deepa, Tara has finally understood that she doesn’t Nikhil and would never do. It’s better to call off such a marriage and give both a chance to find their individual happiness. She knew she was miserable and in a way, Nikhil was too.

      1. is this the porpose of marriage? what about the vows they took to spend the life together. are they considering the daughter although she is grown up. If tara had physically stained herself with himanshu, then, i would say she can better leave nikil rather than spending the rest of the life. now that she knows for himanshu she has no love, she can recycle her thoughts and get a new life. i cannot imagine a separation for a mental block she has right now. all she needs is some space to think.

        1. The purpose of marriage vows is to respect and love each other. But, she realized she could not love Nikhil. And suddenly just because she pushed away Himanshu, she can’t start loving Nikhil. Hence, she decided to put an end to her marriage, because more than her, she doesn’t want Nikhil to suffer anymore. She realizes that she will never love Nikhil, then why should Nikhil stay in this one-sided marriage. It is not mental block, her mental block is finally giving away. She is clearer now. She doesn’t want Himanshu or Nikhil either.

  1. This was totally unexpected but tell you what Anshu I am so happy this is not taking the cliched turn like every bOllywood movie. If one is not happy in a marriage its better to part ways. 16 years is a long time

    1. Yes, that’s what I think too, Akshata! Things suddenly don’t fall in place in real life. She never loved Nikhil, and so there is no reason she should start doing it now.

    1. Meena, she is finally realizing that she cannot live in a loveless marriage. This Himanshu episode has showed her that what she felt for Himanshu, she never felt for Nikhil, so why torture them both.

    1. I know, and I am so touched! But Tara never loved Nikhil and she can’t start doing it now. She has to set Nikhil free to find his happiness elsewhere because he won’t be finding any in this marriage. When you read the next two chapters, you will be glad that I separated them.

  2. Neethu, she took this decision not only for herself but Nikhil too. She doesn’t love Nikhil, then why should she torture him. It’s not fun to know that your spouse doesn’t love you. Also, Tia is 15 now, this is a good message for kids too – that marriage is important, but don’t stay in a marriage by force but due to love.

    1. Hmmm true….but still I would have liked it if Tara realised Nikhil is her best friend cum husband in disguise …been wid her even after knowing all…

  3. This is quite unexpected, a twist in the story. Whatever tomorrow holds, I’m happy for Tara that at least she got the courage to face her present.

  4. Tara is in a myriad of emotions or realizations right now, I just truly hope the best Man who loved her truly won’t get hurt in this self-realization mode.
    Story is very captivating right now Anshu.

    1. Thanks Dipika. I am sure he would be hurt initially as he invested quite a few years of his life in this relationship, but it will turn out fine in the long run.

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